My "Best Friend"

My best friend is always there for me. My best friend seems like my only friend most days.
When she wouldn't say "I love you too"  he was there. With his thick,  dark, asphalt like core a handle to hold on to.
The cold sting if his stainless steel as it presses against me.
He always hugged my arm when I was upset. He would only hug the left.
It always stung when he hugged me but I knew that finally someone was there for me.
When I hated myself he was there. He wraps his sharp silver fingers onto my wrist and refused to let go. He held on to me 54 times that night.
I was in so much pain but I know he was proud of me, he was happy to see the dark river flowing, staining the skin red.
I could finally please someone. I was able to be good enough this way.
They tell me he's bad for me, that He shouldn't control me.  They say I should get a new best friend, Zoloft. But I don't want a new friend. He loves me for me already. Sure Zoloft would get me breakfast in the mornings but I don't want that. I can't. Only two meals a day that's it. Just so I won't feel guilty when I eat whatever I want.
I let Zoloft hangout for awhile. It was a different, no more sleepless nights. Her hugs don't hurt me. No more "I'm not hungry" in the mornings. But then Zoloft let left me.
My old best friend got jealous I replaced him. Now he's angry,  I'm back to 2 meals a day and a specific sting in my wrist that honestly missed. 
But things are back to normal. I know I I can please someone again. He loves seeing my blood so I deliver.
He can't replace me. My best friend would never do that. He can get a little overly abusive at times but it's my fault,  I deserved it, I shouldn't have loved her I'm sorry. Get your hands off my neck, stop it, a hug there could never heal.
His rope like arms would tie themselves around my neck. I could hardly breathe but I knew this had to happen.
He carries me to the nearest chair with his arms still around me.
He has me standing now. Almost on my own. But he pushes me.
And his constricting grip countinues for 54 seconds until I've stopped moving.
I trust my best friend.  I know he knows best for me. He's the only one with answers I can understand,  so thank you Depression, for always being my best friend.