"What the hell feelings? Why? Why in the fuck do you go and like her of all people? Why can't I just not like anyone? Why is she so damn beautiful all the time.... It's my fault I know it is I just really hope it doesn't end my friendship with her like the others. She's so awesome to have around... I can't let these damn emotions get in the way. Just gotta pretend everything is fine because it is. I'm okay. We're okay.
What started this? Like I've always found her attractive cause she's a pretty person but NOW is when actual emotions start?
Yes, I know why... Ugh I've had this big crush on her since early February.... I've forced myself to be interested in Sydney so that my emotions wouldn't blossom. Guess that didn’t work. I blame Sophomore Lock down. Being with her most the night... And watching her amazing curls bounce around as she dances to the breakfast club soundtrack. Her gem-like hazel eyes are easy to get lost in. The kind of thing that just taking a peak at leaves me happier the rest of the day. Along with her beautiful 2 AM smile that never seemed to dim. She still looks that amazing all the time... What's worse is that I'd like her if she was ugly too, her personality is even better... The way she laughs is probably one of the cutest things I've ever seen.... she's just different from other girls. She understands our suffering, she deals with 10 times more than anyone else and never let's it show. I sound ridiculous. I know she's not my "Type" and I've clearly accepted my zero chances long before this even arose. I don't know, I guess I can't explain why I like her. I just do... And I hate it"
Postlude:
Honestly I laughed re-reading this. I still surprise myself, how invested I get into people no matter how much they will never care back. All the feelings previously expressed have diminished. At least for her. It's only a matter of time before I get addicted to my antidepressants.
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