Is that what all this boils down to? Just a bunch of meaningless bits of data controlled by an otherworldly figure. Sometimes I feel like my harddrive is being overwritten. And only fragments of past recordings linger. Is this enough to prove they exist? This uncertainty haunts me.
I've been having these... Strange dreams lately. I wake up barely knowing who I am. A bed soaked in sweat and my body filled with imaginary emotions of people that never existed. The average dream is only 5-20 minutes. In span faster than your daytime telenovelas I have manifested an entire separate existence that feels completely familiar to me. Even now that I'm awake it still does.
Usually You're supposed to forget your dreams once you rise but a day has passed and yet I still feel everything I felt at the time.
Now that I'm awake I feel empty. Disappointed that my creations are no longer real. How can I miss a feeling I manifested? Let alone these imaginary people I find in my dreams.
I remember every last sensation.
I remember feeling the boredom required to randomly go to Walmart. I remember feeling my erection pulsating in the palm of my hand as I walked down the street as though this is completely normal. I approached the storefront calm and flacid. I walked through the aisles playing with the odds and ends on the clearance shelves as I passed by. I eventually came to a storage area with cubic meter sized crates set like stairs. On one of the crates was a young woman working on her laptop as if that was normal. Enamored, I decided to sit behind her, perhaps engage in a conversation perhaps more. I remember feeling the butterflies. I noticed under the flap of her gray quarter zip her phone stuck out of her back pocket— barely hanging on as its corner is smothered between the perfect curve of her jeans and the crate. God how I wish that were me. I curiously pick the phone out of her pocket and examine her lockscreen. It had a group photo of her and her friends all around the same age. Her battery was at 52%. Next to the battery Icon there was an email notification which told me her name was Lei. "That's cute" I thought.
As I mentally prepared to start a conversation I mindlessly shoved her phone in my own front pocket. "Hey" I said.
"Uhm.. hi?" Lei scowled
As if starting a conversation on top of a Walmart crate wasn't entirely normal to begin with.
"So.. you come here often?"
"No." She said. "And no to anything else you're about to ask me" as she looked me up and down.
"From the moment you sat behind me I knew you were interested, no one fucking does that."
I remember feeling embarrassed
I do my best to hold my composure. "I'm sorry- I just- I saw you and-- okay I'm sorry you're just pretty" I promptly exited the store as her friends from the lockscreen began approaching to 'rescue' her from my presence.
I remember feeling so fucking stupid
I was a good few blocks from the Walmart now, "Only a few more until the bus stop home" I thought.
Just then I felt an unfamiliar buzzing in my pants. Then I noticed both my front pockets had a rectangular bulge. "FUCK" I accidentally stole her phone.
I make my way back to the Walmart. I see the girls from the lockscreen scouring the front of the store but they pay no attention to me. They're just looking for the phone. I weave my way around to the storage crates in hopes of running into Lei again. I just want to return it to her personally.
Making my way back to the front of the store I found her again and said. "Hey, uh sorry to bother you again but is your name Lei by any chance?"
Frantically still searching the floor she answers "Yeah why?"
"Oh then this must be yours." As I hand her back her phone I explain that I found it on the floor near the storage crates. "I've been trying to find you again to return it". She buys my bullshit and thanks me. She stands up and says "Hey, you wanna go out sometime?"
I remember feeling the explosion of joy
Then... I woke up. Nothing was real. I felt all of it. Even though it's all just dream nonsense... Why is it so indistinguishable from reality. It really makes me question everything I've experienced up to this point. I'm terrified that the next time I lay down I'm simply going to wake from the last 20 years of my existence.
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