Hurt

Oh, hello.  I see you're awake. "Where am I?" That's not important you won't be going home.  Stop fucking screaming.  I take the screwdrivers and Stab his hand nailing it to the arm of the chair.  Oops looks like your fingernails are still on. Let me fix that. I take the pliers and slowly tear off each nail. Each one slower than the last. Oh that hurts? Oh well. I'm not stopping your pain. Why? Because no one bothered to stop mine! All they do is sit and pretend they Care and when you finally go crazy and wonder why like it hasn't been boiling over for a long time! Now, back to the skin on your back. I think your spine is a lot prettier when you show it dear. I take the cheese Grater and peel away at him until he is almost no more. Oh you're just crying now?  Boo hoo. You still don't know why you're here? You don't remember?  That's exactly fucking why you're here because you didn't care enough to remember!  Hmm your knees look awful dry. Let me sand them away for you. Now that you're nearly drowning in your own blood,  much like I was.I believe it's finally time.  I take out a surgical knife.  I slowly carve a tear in his cheek. Permanently crying now. Oh look I gave myself one long ago. Back when sorry still meant something from you. Now do you see?  Do you remember yet? Do you!  You don't. That's too bad. I guess our game is over now farewell. I take the scalpal and drive it through his eye out the other side of his skull. Emotions are all fun and games to people. Until someone creates a serial killer.

Walking

I walk along. I see them. I keeping walk for them.my feet are bleeding I can't walk anymore I can't.  But I need to for them. Wait... I look back. They've barely taken any steps. I've walked Miles and it's like they haven't moved at all. Why? I ask. No answer.  I brush it off and keep walking.  hours later I see they still haven't moved it's like they don't care but I do. I just keep walking and walking all for them. Still nothing they still won't fucking move. I've lost so much blood my feet are worn to the bone. I guess I'll just walk until I die. Alone.

A Shattered World

This world... Lately I've looked at it so differently.  Any sharp objects,  they catch my attention more, I don’t trust myself picking them up. Any thin seams, even a small ray of sunlight looks like a cut to me. It just reminds me of the blood. A crack in the door reminds me of  the darkness in my wounds. The words "Kill Yourself " catch me off guard a lot more often now. In fact anytime it's said to me regardless of the context my stomach drops and I hold my arm. I often hear "Don't kill yourself " due to clumsiness and tripping on things but only if they knew... I look in a mirror I don't see myself anymore.  I see a something rather than someone,  but it's not like anyone else but her sees me as a person anyway. I don’t even see something just my scars. Standing alone focusing on nothing else but the dried blood splatter.  I started to see others differently too. I pay more attention to those who wear hoodies on the hottest days. With extreme bags under their eyes. I even start to examine anyone's wrists to see... If they look just like mine. But above this Shattered World I've submerged myself in there's a better place.  I've only been there once since summer began. Because she's the only way there. She's everything to me. She reminds me that I'm not just a bag of pain with scars no one wants to deal with. She reminds me that I'm just me, a dork that can make her laugh, that means a lot to her. Yet I can never remember that on my own. I need her. In every way there is to need someone.  I need her soon. I don’t want to be submerged any farther,  eventually she won't be able to pull me out any more.  She'll be stuck watching me drown.

Alone

Loneliness, it can come in 2 forms. One much worse than the other. You can be Alone. Like I am now,  no one around  physically.  Then you can feel alone. Which is far worse and what I'm forced to live with. Honestly if someone were to ask me what my biggest fear was, I'd say Loneliness without hesitation.  I hate it. No one seems to care.  And if they do they seemed annoyed like they're just putting up with me. The only person that truly cares to help me I can't fucking stand. Loneliness fucking sucks. Loneliness is the pain that comes after my cry for help for someone to beg that they need me and the harsh realization that I'm not needed. That I need them more than they'll ever need me. So what's the point being around,  when no one seems to want you?  It's hope. That small tiny sliver left that's buried under the scars the pain and the sadness.  Still keeps me here waiting.  And begging and blindly believing that somehow this fucked up illusion filled with  nothing but me lying to myself really exists. That they aren't lies and it's truly there. And maybe. Just maybe, in the end... It will...  Become reality.