A Shattered World

This world... Lately I've looked at it so differently.  Any sharp objects,  they catch my attention more, I don’t trust myself picking them up. Any thin seams, even a small ray of sunlight looks like a cut to me. It just reminds me of the blood. A crack in the door reminds me of  the darkness in my wounds. The words "Kill Yourself " catch me off guard a lot more often now. In fact anytime it's said to me regardless of the context my stomach drops and I hold my arm. I often hear "Don't kill yourself " due to clumsiness and tripping on things but only if they knew... I look in a mirror I don't see myself anymore.  I see a something rather than someone,  but it's not like anyone else but her sees me as a person anyway. I don’t even see something just my scars. Standing alone focusing on nothing else but the dried blood splatter.  I started to see others differently too. I pay more attention to those who wear hoodies on the hottest days. With extreme bags under their eyes. I even start to examine anyone's wrists to see... If they look just like mine. But above this Shattered World I've submerged myself in there's a better place.  I've only been there once since summer began. Because she's the only way there. She's everything to me. She reminds me that I'm not just a bag of pain with scars no one wants to deal with. She reminds me that I'm just me, a dork that can make her laugh, that means a lot to her. Yet I can never remember that on my own. I need her. In every way there is to need someone.  I need her soon. I don’t want to be submerged any farther,  eventually she won't be able to pull me out any more.  She'll be stuck watching me drown.