My Longest Relationship (3/15/16)

I often wonder to myself, “Why am I alone?” You know, maybe it’s just that I haven’t met the right girl yet or maybe… Maybe I just shouldn’t exist. What’s the point in sticking around when no one wants me? Especially since I already hate myself, I’m sure they all hate me too. Okay, maybe you don’t, but you hate the fact that I’m in love with you, right? Exactly. That’s what I thought. All because I’m not good enough. I’m not a something people want. I’m a something that everyone is better off without. No, I’m not good enough. You’ve proven it to me.

You don’t understand what it’s like to be alone, do you? Of course not. You’re too beautiful for that. Pretty people don’t understand what it’s like to sit there at night, being unloved by everyone. Hating yourself more so than anyone else on the planet. You don’t understand what it’s like to be the only one in gym class wearing longs sleeves every class. You don’t understand what it’s like to have nothing but razors to keep you company at night. You…. You constantly have people following you around. You have people who constantly make you the center of their attention when you don’t even try. You have no concept of how I feel so how could you ever begin to help me? Actually, I have an idea. I want a reason. A reason I’m not good enough for you so that I might be able to fix it. Is it because I’m ugly, is it because I would rather write poems than play sports, is it because my wrists are nothing but a graveyard of scars that grows bigger with each day? Y’know what? It doesn’t matter. Everyone’s going to leave me eventually, just like my dad, you people are all the same. You, Vic, Karina, everyone will stop caring about me so I should just leave now before I’m hurt any worse. Nothing maters anymore. I’m sick of the universe constantly screwing me over; I’m sick of depression being the longest running relationship I’ve ever had. So, I’m sorry to everyone. This is goodbye.