Drunk

What the actual fuck. I can't understand what is so seemingly repulsive about me that no one wants me.
The people that know me Best, my own family, my 3 Bestfriends. Every single one of them seems to find me digusting to where they wouldn't be with me if they had to for the sake of the human race. Even then, I feel like no one in the entire universe is willing to put up with me. All I want is someone to cuddle. Why can't the closest people suffice as that. I just want this all to be over. Sure, I've been drinking. Sure, I'm drunk. I don't care. What I say is true and I'm sick of feeling meaningless.
It's my own fault, I'm aware, because I require romantic attention in order to feel important. But is it even romantic when ALL I WANT IS JUST TO HOLD SOMEONE. It feels like such a simple, doable thing for everyone. But no. I'm never enough. I can't even be enough for a cuddle. It's bullshit I think.
They tell me to love myself, that my own opinion is more important than anyone else's. So what? Even when I follow that, it doesn't help. At the end of the day, it's the same as before. No one wants me. And I'm not good enough to be with anyone else. I hate it. I hate it so fuckin much.
I'm constantly surrounded by people I envision as Perfect companions for myself. That's part of what makes them my best Friends at the end of the day, all of them make me happy. Of course I want that happiness forever. And I'll have it with random adventures in college. Those specific friendships will only get stronger. BUT I JUST WANT TO FUCKING CUDDLE SOMEONE. IS THAT SO FUCKING HARD. I'M DYING. I Want to go back to that abusive#8 just so that I have someone in my arms. It doesn't mean anything I promise. I'm just lonely. Please, I don't care where it goes or what it means. I just need someone to hold you keep myself sane. Anyone will do.
Just SOMEONE fucking love me. I'm sick of waiting. I can't do this anymore.