Antidepressant (Holium-Lithium)

I hate change. Yet it seems to be all my life has been filled with recently. Change in relationships, change in grades, change in hormones, mental chemicals, even a change in my number of family members. But for the last three years, I've noticed one small constant. My antidepressant. It's not always available. In fact it's extremely sparse. It's dose's vary. In the beginning the dose was just some butterflies in my stomach. Then came actual conversations and that had severe side effect of nervousness and and anxiety, just adding awkwardness to the ambiance of the biology classroom. I've always said weird shit at the end of every administered dose. Which in turn just lengthed the time before I would receive my next one. In year two I actually never received my antidepressants. that's when I needed them most. I always fear bothering my doctor. I feel like it's such a hassle to get their attention. On second thought I did have one dose in year two. after this it's no wonder I didn't get another. After the dose of a 3 hour conversation I sat there hanging on to it like some sort of addict. I suppose that's just desperation. As of the beginning of year three it seems my pharmacist is giving me a clean slate with a few doses already. They've been very small but had a big impact. It's so strange, just thirty seconds and everything seems to disappear. It's as if there's a force field that even when I'm in a small proximity of it I can start feeling better. Of course all these doses are platonic. I have a knack for taking a platonic dose of these and giving a non-platonic product. I have a large dose on the way. I'm not sure when it'll arrive or if it even will ship out. But I need to control it. This dose could finally make the medication no longer have temporary effects.
I don't need some crazy drug with tons of chemicals that just work of hormones and want nothing more than to repeatedly fuck like brain dead dogs. My medication is simple. All it does is listen, distract me and make me laugh. That's all anyone's antidepressant needs to do.