The Things I'm Scared to Say Vol. II

I make a lot of stupid decisions. My first one is writing this. My second, is knowing I'll eventually have you read this even though it'll probably ruin any stability our friendship is standing on; if any. This isn't some sappy poem confessing a love for you. Nor is this a chamber of secrets where I've somehow lied or wronged you. Simply, I heavily regret not trying to become closer friends with you sooner. Assuming we're close at all. I would have been so much better off with a support like you, a friend like you. But I'm always nervous around you. Literally always. Ever since I met you, butterflies flood my stomach, my hands get sweaty, i Start to studder, and the list goes on. On top of that I'm scared shitless of annoying you or becoming a bother to you. You always seem busy. Plus I can't tell if you secretly hate my existence or not.
Surprisingly In the anxiety ridden moments when I'm around you; I've never felt better. It's impossible to be depressed around you. I love spending time with you. You're just so content with life. I just want to have that close friendship with you, I know it sounds a hell of a lot like dating territory and I'm trying to steer my emotions away from that. I just want someone to stay up with and be philosophical about life, someone to drink hot chocolate with and have none of the tension that dating brings. In short, I'm super awkward. You're super awesome, and i just wish I could be around you more often. Life looks prettier that way.